More talking
Zoë is really catching on to this talking thing. When her father came home tonight she stood up and shouted, "Daddy!" Later, while visiting with her great-grandfather, she retrieved one of his doorstops, a little heavy statue in the shape of a dog. I looked to see what she had and she announced, "I got the cat." (She calls all animals "cat", so that's all right). So earlier when she was singing, "I got a kiss, kiss, kiss" she was actually using a full sentence, since she later followed up by announcing that she got the cat.
I'm amazed at how rapidly her speech is improving. I can hardly wait to see what she'll say next...
Very good day
Well, Zoë had a good day at school. She was having so much fun that when it was time to go, as soon as she saw me she fell down on the floor. No temper tantrum, but she collapsed there by means of protest. She also wouldn't get her bag from the peg, which she usually will do. She was pretty cooperative until we got to the car, and then she decided to evade capture and wouldn't get in (I did manage to wrangle her into her seat).
Immediate after school we went to my dental technician, and I didn't realize he'd need to fit the partial plate, so I didn't bring the girls' pram. I did offer to go get it, but he said it would be okay. I sat in a normal chair with the baby on my lap and Zoë was pretty good walking around his exam room. She was fascinated with the plastic cup of bright green liquid on the sink (it's used to rinse the mouth after you've had a cast done, to get all the rubbery stuff out). I told her no, and she said, "Dwick? Dwick?" (that's "drink") so I asked Nick if he could give her a cup with some water in it, and he did. She seemed happy with that (although she didn't say 'thank you').
She was quite fascinated to watch him fiddle with my teeth, and then, when we were done, Nick put her on his dental chair and let her ride up and down on it. The look on her face was hilarious! She said "seat" and she said "good", and she said "good" very clearly (first time I've seen her use it in context, actually). Then when we were ready to go, she was walking around the waiting room and I asked her to sit down and she actually did, and she said, "sit down" and then she said "good girl". When we were leaving, I said, "Say bye bye," and she said, "Seeya!"
Later, at home, she actually called out to me, when we were done with our nap (we meaning all of us girls). Zoë woke up and was fussing around in her room, and she's learned she is to stay in her bed and not get up and get into things, so she stayed in there and cried a little and complained a bit and I called out, "What's the matter, sweetie?" and she answered, "Mama!" First time I can recall her EVER calling me like that.
Of course, she wouldn't make eye contact with me when I went to pick her up, but since she'd spoken I wasn't too worried, and she's not the most graceful of souls when she first gets up, anyway.
Basically, we've been working on the speech exercises only a little more than a week and she's already showing great improvement. She seems to have caught on that communication is a good thing, and a useful thing.
Next step is to make an appointment with our GP for a referral to a pediatrician for a complete assessment and also to get Zoë's name on the waiting list for the early intervention program (there are a number of them available, but they have long waiting lists). She needs to get an immunization updated anyway, so we may as well do that while we're there at the doctor's office on Monday (I've already made the appointment).
Zoë's Assessment
Well, first of all, the observations were nothing I didn't already know about Zoë. She's always been a very particular and somewhat eccentric little person, and I'm well aware of her behaviors, so it's not like "she's very self-directed and doesn't pay much attention to other people" really wasn't a big shock or anything...
Anyway, aside from the communication difficulties, Zoë has what the specialist described as "very odd" play patterns and habits. Some things she seemed not to understand, or seemed unwilling to figure out, for example. Also, she moves around in a "circuit" and picks up different things all the time, moving them around, rather than playing with them. She's very tactile, and enjoys touching things, including tan bark from the playground and sand (which she sometimes pours onto her head, which is a very odd behavior in a three-year-old, particularly when it's repeated, as Zoë has been known to do).
She is very quick at figuring out a lot of things, though, and once she does learn a routine or learn what's expected of her, she's pretty good about participating and cooperating.
Like I said, none of this was a surprise to me.
The recommendation is that we get her into an early childhood intervention program, and that we have her assessed by a peditrician, and if recommended from there, by a psychologist and other specialists.
I did ask about autism. The answer was, "I wouldn't rule it out." Well, I won't either, because we have to consider all the possibilities, but at this point I honestly think that the majority of Zoë's odd behavior comes from her inability to adequately communicate. I think when you're in the habit of not communicating, and you have your own way of doing things and you tend to get pre-conceived notions about how things are going to work (which Zoë certainly does), well, you're going to do things oddly.
So for now, well, we don't know. She is improving her speech all the time. Today she said "school" and she said "baby sister", and she also used "yay!" in context when we went to go to the grocery store (and she recognized where we were going long before we actually got there).
We're going to continue with the speech therapy, certainly. And her teacher is working on helping Zoë to work with the group a bit more appropriately and meeting her needs in ways that will help her adjust to the school social setting. And, well, I suppose we'll just have to have her fully assessed and evaluated and so forth.
One thing I have read, though, is that a lot of children who are speech delayed show a number of autistic signs, and once the speech difficulties are dealt with, most of the "autistic" behaviors go away.
I've been doing a great deal of research on speech delay and autism, actually. Zoë does exhibit some signs that might be autistic, but she only has the ones that directly relate to communication (i.e., if she doesn't or can't communicate with other children, she can't very well want to be friends with them, I wouldn't think).
We'll see. In any event, she's certainly very smart and she's responding very well to initial measures (enforcing eye contact, encouraging speech, adjusting some of the school routines, etc.), so I think she'll respond well to further therapies, should they be necessary.
Good Day
Zoë had a good day at school. She made good eye contact with the teachers (so our exercises with her on that are working), she didn't pour sand on her head (a strange habit she developed, probably based on the fact that she pours water on her head in the tub to rinse her hair), she wasn't disruptive at all, and during storytime, when she's usually quite bored and restless, she sat down with the assistant teacher and happily looked through a colorful book, at least for a while.
I had a word with the teacher (which is how I know all this), and we confirmed our meeting tomorrow afternoon, and when we were done, I went to get Zoë's bag off the hook only to find that she'd already gotten it!
So it seems she's learning the school routine quite comfortably now, and she's being much more cooperative. And the language exercises we're doing with her seem to be doing some good.
Over the weekend, I did a great deal of research on speech delay and I'm pretty much convinced that she's just developmentally delayed and nothing worse. Why it happens no one knows, really. I think the speech therapist was right on the money when she said Zoë's just very independent and very stubborn and doesn't see a need to communicate. Slowly, she seems to be understanding that there really is a good reason to communicate with people.
And on a final note, she's gone about a week (or a bit more) without doing a poo in her pants. She's still rather clueless about bladder control, but it's a very good start. If we can just convince her not to get off the potty and try to wipe her own bottom (you can imagine the mess she sometimes makes, and isn't she going to love me when she's a teenager and realizes what I've written here for all the world to see?).
Chatterbox
Okay, she's not really a chatterbox (yet), but she's talking a bit more. Her latest is to say "See ya!" after "Bye bye", and this morning I saw her saying it to her cereal as she ate. You see, we say "Bye bye", to the water in the tub, to the poo in the potty, and to things as they get put into the rubbish to emphasize that they're going and gone. I think she was doing the same with her cereal as she ate it.
We've been working on "take turns" games, as recommended by her speech therapist. She's catching on to that pretty quickly. Apparently, turn taking is a necessary basic understanding in order for conversation skills to proceed, which makes sense to me. In any event, "Zoë's turn, Daddy's turn" seems to be a hit as games go. When she's got that worked out pretty well, we'll move on to three person turn taking.
She's getting much better at making eye contact when she wants something. She will sometimes talk (usually "drink", which can actually mean "something from the fridge" under some circumstances), but when she doesn't speak we have to make sure she makes appropriate eye contact. She'll still refuse when she's tired or particularly cranky, but by gosh, she's making beautiful, clear eye contact with us most of the time now. She still sometimes needs to be reminded to look at us when she communicates, but she's really getting the idea.
And on a totally unrelated note, she has a new food she'll eat. It's instant porridge (oatmeal), but she doesn't eat it cooked. She found a box of it in the pantry and tried a handful of it and liked it, and now will ask for it. I put it in a bowl on the table and let her nibble at it off and on throughout the day. It's a bit on the odd side to eat uncooked instant oatmeal, but it's not going to hurt her and it's certainly a healthy option.
Zoë's assessment and other matters
We're going to meet with Zoë's teacher and the assessment specialist on Wednesday. Andrew will be there, as well. I have to admit I'm quite worried about it. Personally, I don' t think there's anything wrong with her other than her stubborn refusal to see the point in direct communication, but it frightens me that there will be other issues, possibly more serious. I'm always one to see the worst possible scenario, though, and then to take steps backward until I reach a more reasonable position.
Today Zoë was doing something that I found extremely strange. It scared the life out of me until I figured it out. I put her at the table with her lunch and I was in the kitchen doing something and she started saying, "Ma ma ma ma ma ma!" I thought she was saying, "Mama," and I answered back, "Mama, mama," which really upset her. She started screaming "Ma ma ma ma!" at me and eventuallly started crying.
I stopped for a bit and then again said, "Mama, mama." Same reaction. Pause. Try again. Same. I was extremely concerned at this point.
I called her over for a cuddle, and she came willingly. I rocked her and gave some kisses and in the course of the exchange I finally figured out what she was saying. She wasn't saying "mama," she was saying, "Mine, mine, mine, mine." Often when she wants something I'll say, "No, you can't have that, that's mine," so she associates "mine" with being told she can't have something.
She was saying "mine mine mine mine", probably about her lunch, and I was basically saying back to her that it was MINE, and she thought I'd try to prevent her from having it. No wonder she was upset.
After our cuddle and after I told her I understood why she was upset, I sent her back to finish her lunch. She got up on her chair and sat down and did finish eating, and seemed pleased when I told her she was a good girl.
Of course, later, when I was trying to work on some eye contact communication with her and she kept staring at the television, prompting me to turn it off, she was pretty angry with me. She's in bed now. She also clearly knows what "lie down" means.
Locked
On the way into pre-school today, I had a hard time getting the safety-latched gate open. Zoë observed this and then said, "Locked." I use that word with her when I put the hook and eye on the doors (when she's feeling particularly inclined to run all over the house and get into everything), but I didn't know she had absorbed it. She does, however, seem to know what it means, and she applied it in a novel situation. This is a very good sign.
She had her assessment today, but I don't know what the results were. The specialist didn't feel she had the time to discuss it today and so sometime next week we'll make an appointment with the teacher and we'll all sit down to discuss it. Apparently, Zoe's behind in some areas of play (I'm not sure what that means), and I suspect some areas of socialization. Zoe's liking of routine was mentioned (which frightens me somewhat; one of the signs of autism is a strong adherence to routine). Her affectionate nature was mentioned, and the fact that she's very stubborn and extremely determined. So, I don't know. I can tell you that I sound fairly calm writing this, but inside my mind is racing all over the place and my fears and worries are going all sorts of irrational places.
At least no one mentioned Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder...
It's PROBABLY just that Zoë's tendency to be solitary and independent and her lack of direct communication has limited her in some ways. Human beings are extremely language oriented, and when language is slow/late in developing, it can cause other delays. I know this. And I'm almost certainly overreacting to the situation, but, well, that just seems to be my nature. And just for the record, it's Zoë's nature, as well.
Speech Therapy
Well, Zoë had her first speech therapy session today. She had a temper tantrum at one point, but overall it went reasonably well. She's going to have fortnightly sessions for a while, although the therapist thinks that could be too much, in which case we'll reduce the frequency.
What it comes down to is Zoë is naturally independent and she just doesn't see the need to communicate with people. The fact that I've always tried to anticpate her needs and fulfill them, sometimes before she even knew what she wanted/needed, just made the problem worse. It's not that Zoë can't talk, or even that she won't (she does talk when she feels like it). It's that she just doesn't see the point.
That's pretty much what Andrew and I have thought all along.
So now we have to work on getting her to communicate. She doesn't necessarily have to talk, but she MUST make eye contact when she asks for something, whether she asks verbally or non-verbally. If she doesn't make eye contact, she doesn't get whatever it is she's after. She'll have tantrums, no doubt, but she will learn that she has to communicate with people in order to get what she wants.
How long the therapy will take is anyone's guess. Some kids get it right away, some go a long time with no progress and then make a big leap, some take a long time. So, well, we'll see how we go. So far she's doing reasonably well with the eye contact. I've been eating beef jerky and she likes that so kept coming over to have some, and every time she came over, I made her look me in the eye before she got the treat.
Tomorrow's pre-school again, and she's being assessed by the early childhood specialist to make sure she hasn't got any other problems (autism, ADHD, etc.). I'm confident that after today's session and assessment, she's just got the speech delay.
And if they try to tell me she's got Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, I'm going to laugh in their face...
Crabby girl
Zoë got a runny nose a couple of days ago. At first, I thought it was an allergy, given the family history of allergies and asthma. However, Miranda got the runny nose yesterday, and I've been feeling somewhat off and have had sinus congestion (which I thought was an allergy).
Today, Zoë was abolutely miserable when she got up. Whiney, grumpy, wouldn't eat/drink what was offered, wanted all sorts of silly things to eat. Nothing I did or said would comfort her. Finally I got her to take some medicine for the congestion and some more for the headache (I've got a headache, so I think she probably does, too), and I put on Beauty and the Beast. Within a few minutes, she had settled down and eaten her breakfast (breakfast drink, yogurt, and the juice she insisted she had to have). She's still a little irritable, but at the moment she's leaning against me and watching television and she accepted a hug, so she must be better.
I think it was just the "first thing in the morning when you've got a head cold" mood.
I'm not sure if I'll take her to school tomorrow. She's probably not contagious any more because usually by the time the symptoms appear the contagion has passed, but if she's going to be irritable and crabby there's not much point sending her. I'll just have to see how she goes today and what time she gets to bed.
Go potty
Tonight, Zoë asked to use the potty! She said several times, "go potty", although she said it more like "pogotty". She was very clear on what she wanted, though, and she did, indeed, use the potty when put there. Yay!
She hasn't worked out about wetting her pants yet, but I'm not that worried about it. I'm mostly interested in the bowel training at the moment for fairly obvious reasons. When she's ready, she'll come around to the rest of it.
Her speech is improving by leaps and bounds lately. Partly, I think it's going to pre-school. Partly, maybe she's finally figured out about speech being useful and she's ready to start talking. I think she's really ready for the speech therapy now. The timing is good, and we have good expectations.
Big Step Forward
Today Zoë demonstrated two things that all people need to know to survive in the world. How to deny/lie, and how to apologize.
She's been saying "I'm sorry" for a while, but today she said it in a way that was different.
I put her on the potty and went in to check on her and found her crawling around on the potty seat, apparently having been playing with the water in the toilet. This, of course, is a no-no, and she knows it. When she saw me, she quickly sat back down like nothing was amiss, but she'd made a big mess, including getting poo on her potty seat, so I knew what was up (because I'm magic that way).
I asked her, "Were you playing in the potty?" The child looked up at me with her big, pale blue eyes and said, "No."
I asked her if she was finished and she indicated that she was, so I took her for a shower, which was cold at the beginning (because I like her to know she's getting "hosed down" and a little cold water won't hurt her, and, well, the water slowly warms up in the course of the shower anyway). When she was done, I was drying her off and I said in a stern voice, "Don't play in the potty any more!" and she said, "I'm sorry."
Yup, I think she's starting to get the hang of this language thing. A good course of therapy and she should be fine...
Good Day
Zoë had a good day at pre-school. I got there a little early, during storytime, and she was roaming around like she always does. She absolutely will not sit still for a story, not at home, not at school. I think this is because when you don't really have good language skills it sounds like "blah blah blah blah" and who wants to sit still for that when there's a whole room full of toys to play with?!
She apparently really enjoyed music/singing time and really got into it. She's finally worked out what that's all about, so now she'll look forward to that, I think.
I was told that she didn't eat her snack, which puzzled me, because she didn't have much breakfast and I figured she'd be hungry. Turns out she had a grape in her mouth. She must have had it in there for an hour or so. She took it from or was given it by another child, got it in her mouth, bit it in half, and then didn't seem to know what to do with it. I think she would have eaten her own snack if she'd been able to figure out what to do with that grape!
When we got ready to leave, she went and got her bag down, but she didn't want to carry it (it's a bit bulky and she knows that).
After school we had lunch out (at Burker King) and she was pretty good for that. She ran around a bit while I was ordering, but then she picked out a seat and sat down to wait for me. I brought her lunch over as soon as it was ready and she sat down and started eating, no problem. She was very good about it, once she had the food. Poor kid was awfully hungry, what with having very little breakfast and no snack.
Then, and this is the miraculous part, when we got in she went over to the door of her room. I asked her if she wanted a nap, and she indicated that she did, so I put her to bed. She didn't fight at all, but lay down and let me cover her up and got her snugglies all around her. She didn't go to sleep right off, but I think that's just because sometimes when you've had an exciting day it's hard to go right to sleep. She didn't yell or anything, just fussed around in her bed a while, singing and chattering to herself.
Oh, and she has a new phrase. It's "stop it". We were having a cuddle/tickle today with big, big hugs, which she really enjoys. When she got tired of it, though, she said to me, "stop it." I said, "Stop it? Do you want me to stop now?" and she said, "Stop it, stop it, stop it." Well, it sounds more like "bobbit" but it was very clear what she was saying and why. So her speech is improving and has been all along. I think she's just plain late about it. She seems to have figured out what speech is for and she's now decided to start using it.
Her speech therapy assessment is next week (Wednesday), and on Thursday a child development specialist is dropping by her school to observe her a bit and see if they think there may be any other developmental problems. I think it's just the speech delay, but it can't hurt to have the assesment, and if there is a problem, it's good to know early and get therapy started for it.
So there we go. We've had a pretty good day so far...
Pre-school Today
Zoë did much better at school today. I made sure she got lots of rest last night so she wasn't tired and cranky, and I put juice in her drink bottle and appetizing snacks in her snack box.
The report I got back is that she was a bit unhappy about having to come in from outdoor playtime, and she wouldn't sit still to have a story read. This doesn't surprise me at all. We've never been able to get her to sit still for a story (although she likes books, if she can be the one turning the pages). I think it's the lack of language comprehension that causes the difficulty in this case.
I've also called the speech pathologist and left a message. They're not in every day, so it might be a few days before they get back to us, but the first contact has been made and that's a good thing.
I'm feeling better about the whole situation. I was pretty concerned for a while there, and did a lot of research on speech delay and related topics.
On a very positive note, Zoë has started to repeat things we say to her. For example I say to her, "What?" and she says, "What?" back to me. She's repeating all kinds of phrases, including "You okay?" "Uh-oh!" "Oh, no!" and "I'm sorry." She uses all of those things appropriately and in context, too.
So it looks good. A bit of intensive one-on-one speech therapy and the interaction with other children and she will hopefully catch up pretty quickly.
Potty Training and Speech Delay
It seems that late potty training is very common in speech delayed children. They can't understand what you want of them (although Zoë does understand about doing a poo in her pants, and if she does, she'll say "poo pants" and express remorse), and they can't easily tell you they need to go.
Zoë does indicate she needs to go, at least some of the time. She doesn't say it, but she makes noises that let me know what she's up to. It's still pretty hit or miss, though.
I've also found that temper tantrums (and Zoë can really throw some whoppers) are quite common in children with speech delay. They get very frustrated when they can't express themselves.
And wouldn't you?
Hopefully we can get her into speech therapy very soon and get her on the road to talking and that'll help the tantrums and the potty training.
In the meantime, I'm going to do my best to make sure she's fully rested before going to pre-school and that she's got super yummy snacks in her snack box so she doesn't feel she needs to have anyone else's...
Speech Therapy
Zoë was quite disruptive yesterday at her full day of preschool. The teacher wanted to have a word with me after school and we had a talk about various things.
What happened is that it was snack time and Zoë decided she wanted another little girl's drink and not her own. When the teacher told her she couldn't have the other drink, Zoë went to pieces and had a huge tantrum and absolutely would not (or could not) settle down. She carried on all through snack time, was all right when they went out to play, and then when it was time to come in again, she had another big tantrum and refused to sit down for a story.
The teacher's very concerned about Zoë's lack of speech skills and is going to refer us to a private speech therapist. Our health insurance covers speech therapy, so it should be minimal out-of-pocket expense.
Basically, I think part of why Zoë acts out so often is because she gets frustrated easily and doesn't have any way to express it because she hasn't got any speech skills. She's also extremely strong-willed and while this can eventually be a good thing, it's also a very difficult trait when she's little. She decides things are going to be a certain way and if they're not, she just can't cope...
On the positive side, she is getting more cooperative, slowly. She responds well to praise of any kind, and we make a point of praising her when she does cooperate with us. And the type of behavior she showed yesterday at school is usually only seen when she's tired, hungry, or both (she was quite tired yesterday because she woke up in the middle of the night and didn't seem to be able to get back to sleep right away).
So that's the size of that. Speech therapy as soon as we can arrange it. Not sure what to do about the behavior issues. I do think that if she's consistently disruptive, they'll have no choice but to ask her not to come back, but I'm hoping it won't come to that...
Orientation Day at Zoë's School
Well, as I expected, she zoomed in and started exploring everything in sight, and pretty much ignored me totally. She didn't interact with the other kids much, but I didn't really expect she would (most of the kids didn't interact with other, other than the set of identical twins who seemed a little overwhelmed and stood quietly holding hands a good deal of the time).
I met some of the other parents, talked to the teacher a bit, and got the list of stuff Zoë needs (a smock, a backpack or other bag, hand towel, lunchbox for a light snack, a hat with flaps to protect her neck during outside play, pretty much the usual things you'd expect a pre-schooler to need).
Zoë's favorite things seemed to be the dollhouse with all the little people that fit into other things (beds, chairs, etc.) and sitting in the sandpit pouring sand over her own head (yes, she was as gritty as you'd expect). She said "bye bye" and came with me willingly, though, so there were no big scenes and we'd been there before, so I'm guessing she remembered that and knew we'd come back.
And so we will. Her first full session (two hours) is Tuesday, and then another Thursday, and so on until the end of the term, excluding any holidays that might be mixed up in there.
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